Confusing Secret
by Hafl
Summary: Sometimes a moment of compassion may lead one astray. Belinda/Gwen


Even though Belinda had years to get used to Gwen's crying on the first night of the term and her sudden bouts of homesickness, that night was different. It was late at night or, perhaps, very early in the morning. The night wasn't so dark as Belinda thought it would be and all was very still. All the other girls were asleep, their breathing calm and even. All, save for one.

In the dark, Belinda heard soft sobbing muffled by a pillow. She didn't even need to think about the direction from which the sound came, she knew it was Gwen.

In complete silence, she carefully got out of her bed and tip-toed to Gwen's one. Gwen's head was buried in the pillow and her body was shaking with sobs. Her blonde hair looked so beautiful under the soft moonlight, that Belinda couldn't help herself and reached out to feel for herself that these fairy locks really belonged to Gwen.

Gwen jerked under her touch and turned around. The moonlight made her face, streaked by tears and holding an expression of shame at being found, glisten and glitter. Belinda raised a single finger to her lips and leaned down to Gwen. Gwen had by now, stopped crying and Belinda softly whispered into her ear, "Why are you crying? The term's ending in just a few days, you'll see your mother soon."

Gwen's reply sounded hoarse after all the crying, "I know... but sometimes," she sniffed, "I am lonely."

A few tears welled up in Belinda's eyes when she heard this admission. She drew away to take a look at Gwen, who looked so disconsolate, that Belinda felt herself being overwhelmed by pity.

Then, suddenly, Gwen drew Belinda close to her, and before she could react, Gwen kissed Belinda on the lips with more resolve than Belinda thought Gwen to be able to muster. For a split second, Belinda wanted to struggle, but after that brief moment, she gave in.

When the kiss ended, Gwen's face still bore the mark of tears, but the girl was now smiling faintly. This time, it was Gwen's turn to embrace Belinda, who was still half-shocked, and whisper softly, "Thank you. Thank you so much."

The next few days were a whirl for Belinda. All the stress at term's end, impeding goodbyes with her dorm mates and Irene, and amidst all that, there was Gwen, Gwendoline Mary Lacey. Alone, as she always was, Gwen was lazing around, content in her knowledge she had somehow managed to scrape by in the examinations and displayed no sign of the emotion she had shown that night.

When there were only three days left, Belinda approached her. In secret. It seemed that Gwen was surprised, yet when they were alone, she kissed Belinda again and the kiss was so sweet, that Belinda forgot her misgivings for a second. And after the kiss, Belinda saw that Gwen looked happy and drew the girl to her body, stroking her and kissing her blonde hair, while feeling Gwen's warmth against her own body. She did not tell anyone about this meeting, not even Irene, just as she did not tell about the night encounter.

The second day, it seemed that Belinda and Gwen seeked out one another, as if by unspoken agreement. They wandered as far as Gwen was willing and, hidden from everyone, there was a hint of passion in their kiss. By the end of the day, Belinda thought she had never seen Gwen look so vivid and radiant.

There was no time to meet on the last day. When Belinda realised that, she felt that she could burst into tears at any moment.

When the holidays ended and they all returned to the dear Malory Towers, Gwen was as she always was after staying home for some time. Haughty and vain and unpleasant to everyone, but she still felt homesick.

The first night, Belinda stayed up with Gwen, hugging her and stroking her hair and whispering quiet, comforting words to her, as Gwen cried against her chest. In the morning, they were both tremendously sleepy, but Belinda knew that if needed, she would do it again.

They continued to meet in secret, though Belinda suspected that everyone, or at least Irene, knew, but chose not to speak about it. Gwen was... Gwen. Vainly content when Belinda told her how beautiful her hair was. Interrupting perfect silence with her endless prattle. Stubbornly deciding to move, when she decided they had reached the limit of their walk for the day. Taking Belinda's umbrella, slightly larger than her own one, whenever they got caught in the rain. Preening herself like a cat, whenever she noticed Belinda watching her. On rainy nights, she moved so close to the fireplace or stove that Belinda wouldn't be able to stand the heat for half a minute. Smugly satisfied while examining the sketches Belinda made of her, sketches that were flattering and not completely true to reality. Suddenly falling silent when she thought about her family. Smiling victoriously when she enticed Belinda to do something. Her voice sounding wistful when she unwittingly revealed something about her own deepest dreams and secrets. Smiling, looking glowing and joyful, during the times she and Belinda were alone, even when they were quarrelling.

And Belinda? She felt like traitor when she left Irene to spend time with Gwen. She felt angry at Gwen's obstinacy and laziness. She felt privileged to be the only one, who was allowed to see Gwen's better and nobler qualities. She felt weak-willed when the threat of seeing Gwen's sad face made her give in in a quarrel, and she felt cruel when it didn't. She felt happy in her moments with Gwen. She felt despair at the thought of Gwen not caring for her as much as Belinda cared for Gwen.

Most of all, she felt confused that of all people, she fell in love with Gwen. The very same Gwen, who was malicious, vengeful, petty and, without doubt, the worst of all the girls in Malory Towers. And she was even more confused, when she realised that she wouldn't trade Gwen's faults for any number of virtues. Her Gwen, was the real, prickly one.


End file.
